DEAR ABBY: Transportation is not the only issue after driving is restricted

Monday, June 24, 2019

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for 10 years. We live together as husband and wife, but for personal reasons, we decided marriage is not for us. I have been married and divorced twice and have three children. One is 17, and the older two are grown. None of them have cars. We live in a rural area without public transportation.

I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and given a sixmonth driving restriction. Before my diagnosis, my boyfriend signed up to do a sport over the summer that takes him away four Sundays, our only day together. He does a different sport that takes him away for Labor Day. It upsets me that knowing I cannot get around and feel “trapped,” he hasn’t altered his plans in any way. He says I’m not as “trapped” as I feel, and I should use expensive ride-sharing services or rely solely on friends, which I feel is an imposition. I don’t have many friends, especially ones who live close.

Because he isn’t willing to modify his plans, I feel like I’m taking a back seat to his hobbies. Is this fair? What advice can you provide so I don’t feel as angry and resentful as I currently do? I still have five months to go on this restriction, and that is only if I am seizure-free. — STUCK IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STUCK: Is it out of the question that you could accompany him to one or more of these Sunday games?

It appears your guy is centered solely on himself. Couples are supposed to have each other’s backs. Although you never stood at an altar and pledged “in sickness and in health,” after 10 years together, one would think the promise is implied. Consider this a wake-up call. It indicates that should you have more serious health problems down the line, this is what you can expect from him in the future.

That said, your present condition should improve by the end of the summer. Focusing on THAT fact may lessen your resentment right now. But don’t beat yourself up for having the feelings you do; right now, they are warranted.

If your children have driver’s licenses, perhaps they could drive you around so you’re not so isolated.

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