DEAR ABBY: Reader worried about brother who is afraid of being alone

Thursday, December 26, 2019

DEAR ABBY: My brother is a 59-year-old widower. He has dated a few women over the years, and he’s very afraid of being alone.

The woman he is with now has made it clear that she is with him because he can provide financial security for her. She’s pushing him to move in together and get married, but only after he sells his house and buys a new one. She said she could never live there because his deceased wife lived there. However, she is unable to contribute anything financially, so this would all be out of his pocket. He looks past all of this.

I have told him I’m worried about her using him for his money, but he doesn’t want to hear it. How can I get through to him? — WISE SISTER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SISTER: You obviously can’t. However, his lawyer might be able to deliver that message more effectively than you. This is why you should STRONGLY encourage him to have a talk with his lawyer before he sells his house or formalizes his arrangement with this lady, who has made her objectives crystal clear.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been sending money to family and friends behind my back. He constantly sends money to his adult daughter who plays him like a fiddle.

It isn’t large amounts, but I have two issues with it. When it’s time to pay bills, I end up paying more than my share because he doesn’t have the money (we split our budget a while ago). Also, when I have asked if he has been doing this, he lies to my face.

This isn’t the first time he has lied to me, and I don’t know how to move past it. Last time, it was about drugs. I was ready to walk away because therapy helped me see that the problem wasn’t me, but then we worked on it. Now it’s about money.

I love him and would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but if there’s anything I can’t stand it’s a liar. What should I do? — LIED TO IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR LIED TO: You should not be paying more than your share of the bills. It isn’t fair to you. By paying other people’s bills, your husband is enabling them to remain dependent upon him — and you. Call the therapist who helped you the last time. It appears you have more work to do.