DEAR ABBY: Men’s friendship changes when one finds a new job

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

DEAR ABBY: I thought I had a best friend. We got to know each other when we worked together for almost four years. He’s straight, I’m gay and we’re total opposites. However, he taught me how to fish and took me shooting at his family’s ranch; we would go to dinners/lunches and go to the city. He’s a few years older than I am (he’s in his 30s).

When I went to rehab for six weeks, he came to visit me. But when I celebrated my first year of sobriety a few months back, he never congratulated me. I found a new job almost a year ago, so we stopped seeing or contacting each other.

Looking back, I was always the one asking to hang out and planning the days when we would do fun things together. I feel hurt that he hasn’t checked in with me, but I feel like my friendship should be valued and that friendships should be a two-way street.

Am I being childish? Is it too late to reach out? It’s been six months with no contact. I thought I showed him how much I cared about our friendship. It would have meant a lot to me if he had reached out to see how I was doing. — FRIENDLESS GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIENDLESS GUY: The fact you no longer work together may have something to do with his silence — out of sight, out of mind. Were you really the one who initiated the fishing trips and visits to his family’s ranch? If not, it seems to me that he was doing his part in maintaining the friendship.

It’s possible he may have met someone and be involved in a romance, or just busy. If you were the heavy lifter in your relationship, you should not expect him to change. I think it’s time YOU reached out and checked in.

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