DEAR ABBY: Man tired of cheaters

Abigail Van Buren
Advice Columnist

DEAR ABBY: I have been in two relationships. The first was with a girl a couple of years older than I am. We were together for several years before she cheated on me and dumped me. I was crushed. The next girl was a few years younger. She did the same thing after a year.

What am I doing wrong? Fidelity is important to me. How can I avoid this in the future?

I’ve  never been controlling. I was always fine with my girlfriends going out with their friends without me if I couldn’t go for some reason. (That’s how they ended up meeting the other guys.)

The people in lasting relationships I’ve seen watch each other like hawks, and never allow their significant other to be in the company of the opposite sex without them. Is this normal? Should I be like them? That seems controlling, but clearly, my “no boundaries” relationship style has backfired on me. — CHEATED ON IN NEW YORK CITY

DEAR CHEATED ON: Few things can ruin a relationship or a marriage like obsessive jealousy can. Watching one’s partner “like a hawk” is stifling. It will eventually drive the person away. Please don’t try to change the person you are because YOU are just fine. 

I believe that in relationships there has to be a certain amount of responsibility. If someone is mature enough to be involved romantically, that person should admit if things aren’t working out. Being cheated on is painful. Not every relationship leads to marriage, but rather than sneak around to avoid a frank conversation, it’s better to practice the Golden Rule.