DEAR ABBY: Husband checks out of marriage after his wife’s cancer diagnosis

Monday, October 7, 2019

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice for my dear friend. She needs to have chemotherapy and her husband says he won’t help her when she gets sicker from the meds. She is devastated and feels like he isn’t even her husband anymore. He told her he will move out and put her into a nursing home and that they can break up. Any advice? — DEVASTATED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am appalled. That someone could be so heartless and cruel is deplorable. Your friend’s husband appears to be one of those who becomes so freaked out by his spouse’s cancer diagnosis that he cuts and runs instead of standing by her when the going gets tough. (Yes, regrettably, there are some.)

Her top priority right now has to be getting through this challenge, regardless of what it involves. Are there supportive friends or family members who are willing to see her through the term of her treatment? If so, that’s what I recommend.

When she recovers — because with the advances that are being made in cancer treatment every day, it is entirely possible — I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be rid of this poor excuse for a man.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and live alone, which I enjoy. I’m a homebody — I work and come home.

I dated a woman many years ago and we have reunited. I’m very much in love with her. She has family not far from here, and if I marry her, I know I’m going to be inundated with visits from them on a regular basis. Problem is, I love my privacy. I’m getting cold feet because of this. I have lived the way I do for a long time and I’m happy with it. —COLD FEET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR COLD FEET: Have you talked to this lady about your concerns? If you haven’t, it’s time, because it’s entirely possible that she loves her family as much as you love your privacy and won’t want to be isolated from them. In a situation like yours, if there is no compelling reason to tie the knot, perhaps you should agree to leave the arrangement the way it is.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips . Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.