DEAR ABBY: Girlfriend urges resistance against disapproving parents

Abigail Van Buren
Advice Columnist

DEAR ABBY: I am in an interracial relationship with a guy whose parents don’t support our being together because I’m from a different race and culture than he is. Our countries of origin were antagonistic in the past.

When his parents tell him to break off relations with me, he listens patiently and defends his affection for me. He does not, however, really speak up for me or point out how unfair their prejudice is, given that they’ve never even met me. 

This is my first interracial relationship. My parents don’t have a problem with it. Is it too much to ask my boyfriend to speak up the next time his parents lecture him? — UNDEFENDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNDEFENDED: Not knowing your boyfriend, his parents or how they relate to one another, I can’t judge whether he should challenge them any further than he is already. I think it would be a mistake for you to try to script him. You didn’t mention how long you two have been involved, but if the relationship continues, they may — at some point — mellow.


DEAR ABBY: I have a 39-year-old daughter I’ll call “Angela” who attracts unsavory underground types — thieves, druggies, homeless — wherever she lives. My husband and I recently decided to move to Mexico because we are both retired. My husband and son are driving his vehicle, and I am driving my own. 

My husband asked me if I wanted to invite Angela to drive with me. I’m afraid if I do, she may decide to stay with us after we arrive, and more of those unsavory types will start coming around. Should I not worry about it? I’m in need of practical advice. — RETIREE IN THE WEST

DEAR RETIREE: You are making a new start. My “practical advice” is to follow your better judgment and resist the urge to invite your daughter to accompany you on the journey.