DEAR ABBY: Girlfriend competes for time with man still living with ex

Monday, July 1, 2019

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He is 10 years older, in his mid-40s. He is wonderful, kind, smart, and treats me well. There is only one issue: He still lives with his ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago.

She and I do not get along. She infringes on my time with him – has him run her errands, drive her around, etc. when I am at his (their) house. He also ends calls with me at night to talk with her, and his texts abruptly stop. Later I’ll find out she was in his bedroom talking/venting to him about her current boyfriend or some other subject.

She recently put in an offer to buy a house that was accepted. After she moves out of the house they are renting, he plans to remain there and would like me to move in with him. Here’s the catch: He says he will be going over to her (new) house to mow the lawn, rake leaves, take care of her car, etc. He says he runs these errands for her because she pays him. I have told him how much it bothers me. I feel he is placing her above me. Am I crazy for being upset over this? – SECOND BEST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SECOND BEST: You’re not crazy. Unless your boyfriend is hard up for money, it appears there may be more to his relationship with his ex-girlfriend than he has revealed to you. If he was disconnected from her emotionally – and possibly sexually – he wouldn’t cut your conversations short or hide the fact that he is texting you. Unless he rearranges his priorities, you should not only not move in with him, you should find a boyfriend with whom YOU’RE No. 1.



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