DEAR ABBY: Expecting mother worries about smoking grandmother

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

 

DEAR ABBY: I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I are happily awaiting our baby’s arrival. I am fretting over something I need some help figuring out. My mother-in-law is a serious smoker. She smokes in her home, in her car and right before getting into anyone’s car or leaving home. She reeks of smoke all the time.

I do not want my baby around a smoker, but of course, I want our baby to bond with Grandma. She’s oblivious to the dangers of second- and third-hand smoke and laughs it off. My husband says we can’t make her stop smoking, and he doesn’t want to talk with her about it. I am adamant about our baby having a smokefree environment. What do I do? — PROTECTIVE FUTURE MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Your tobacco-addicted mother-inlaw is not going to quit smoking. Your husband doesn’t want to talk to his mother about it because he knows it will go nowhere. That leaves you.

Unfortunately, your child is going to have to live in a world in which there are people who smoke. While you may be able to minimize his/her exposure, you cannot guarantee that from childhood to adulthood your child’s environment will be entirely smoke-free. Because you are adamant — for good reason — about your baby having a smokefree environment, you will have to insist, with your husband present, that Grandma bond with her grandchild in your home or some other smoke-free environment. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I faked a secret admirer. It’s getting me a lot of attention, but I did it because I wanted to make my crush jealous. He thinks I’m faking, and I’m pretty sure he also thinks I’m needy and selfish. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you help? — SECRETLY LYING IN TEXAS

DEAR SECRETLY LYING: I’ll try. When a technique doesn’t work, it’s time to change course. Quit talking about a secret admirer. If you are asked about him, just say, “It’s over” — which is less embarrassing than, “The jig is up.”

Why your crush would call you selfish, I can’t guess. But if he asks you what happened, my advice is to say, “I like you better.” THAT’S the truth.

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