DEAR ABBY: Change in dinner party guest list draws an angry response

Friday, January 15, 2021

DEAR ABBY: I’ve known my friend “Ashley” for a lot of years. She is single. Several years ago, I introduced her to another couple, the “Smiths.” We all have a lot in common and take turns inviting each other for dinner.

This group and a couple of other couples are the only people in my social circle I have seen periodically during this pandemic.

Two weeks ago, Ashley invited my husband and me and the Smiths for dinner. Three days before the dinner, Ashley sent me a text that the Smiths will be bringing another couple, and she wanted to be sure it was OK with us. I called her immediately and told her that with the spike in COVID cases, I wasn’t comfortable having a close dinner with a couple who wasn’t in my social circle. She said she was “sorry,” meaning if I didn’t like it, my husband and I could stay home.

I’m extremely hurt and angry and am losing sleep over this. I feel Ashley should have asked us BEFORE adding this other couple to our dinner. I feel like sending her a letter saying that no friend should treat another friend like this, that I guess she’s not really a friend and end the relationship. My husband is stopping me from sending such a letter. Am I overreacting? —ANGRY IN OREGON

DEAR ANGRY: Yes, you are. You have blown this out of proportion. Be glad you have a husband who advised you as he did. Ashley did the right thing by telling you the guest list for the dinner had grown so you could opt out if you wished. Because she was the host, she was not obligated to ask permission to include the extras.