Abby: Man learns he may have a son he never knew about

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years and have three wonderful kids. The youngest is 16.

I recently found out I may have another son from a relationship prior to my marriage. The woman never notified me or asked for child support. I found out through someone else a couple of months ago and, thanks to social media, was able to find him and look at his picture. He looks exactly like I did 25 years ago.

The problem is, when I mentioned it to my wife, she did not want to discuss the possibility. She acts like nothing happened and asked me not to bring it up again. What would you recommend in a situation like this? Should I say nothing and let it be, or risk ruining my marriage? — VACILLATING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VACILLATING: I find it interesting that someone would know you possibly had another son all this time and didn’t say anything sooner. If it’s true, the young man might like to know, if only so he can have a complete familial medical history.

I don’t see how establishing the truth could “ruin” your marriage unless your wife is self-centered and immature. However, rather than suddenly appear out of nowhere with the news, it might be better to reach out to the woman you had the relationship with, tell her what the friend told you and ask her if it’s true.

If she concealed the information from her son or from the man who raised him, possibly thinking the boy was his, it could be traumatic for everyone concerned. So, if you do decide to move forward on this, explain that if it’s true, you think it might be in her son’s best interests to know.

Category: